Transition

I have always been uneasy with transition. I like the morning, the afternoon, and the night. Dawns and dusks don't particularly excite me. I feel it in everything I do and in everything that happens to me. I don't like journeys to my work and back every day. I have to listen to music or keep my mind off as they somehow make be uncomfortable, edgy; for I feel like I am neither here nor there. I love being at home in Delhi and with my friends, and I love being at my parents’ in Kolkata. But the transition, the wait for the destination as stations roll by the window, always makes me anxious. It's not that I detest change. Nothing, they say, is permanent, but change. It's just that the twilight zone unsettles me. So with about all the changes my life has had lately, I once again find myself in the same predicament which has troubled me on my train journeys/air travels, albeit on a much larger scale. I am eagerly looking forward to end this journey and move ahead but at the same time I feel uncomfortable to leave pessimism and move towards hope. For they say, a known devil is better than an unknown angel.

I came into this city as a girl who had just about conquered the world. In between, there was the realization that not everything in life goes your way though at the same time you are much more than what the world takes you for. I mastered the art of doing things at the last moment and just scraping through. I tasted freedom and fell in love with the person I became. I learnt to chatter with my friends the entire night and sometimes sit alone in a coffee shop and read by myself. I moved from writing a personal diary to a public blog. I learnt to be patient and smile despite all odds. I learnt to live in despair in the best of places and find love in all the hopeless ones. There was the bitterness of defeat and failure along with the sweetness of achievement. But now…times are changing again. I strongly feel that I need to undertake a journey to a better place all over again. Probably, I’ve had my fill here…here, in Delhi. It is stagnant. No new places to see or experiences to share. Losses have been overcome and change is inevitable.

So as I await the beginning of a new chapter in my life, the only thing that I hope for is this transition to be different rather better from the others that have been all along.