Eating Crap for Gold

Do you eat to live or live to eat? Well, either way, who doesn't love food? 

In pursuit of expanding my culinary horizons, I chanced upon the world of excess culinary expenses. And, as baffled and awe stricken I was… I concluded that filthy money allows more stupidity.  Representing the ‘Mango’ people (‘Aam junta’), let me take you on a wonder struck little expedition (laced with a lot of sarcasm) on some of the most outlandish, outrageous, and, above all, the most expensive food buys of the rich.

1)      White Truffles: Priced at $6,000 and above, per pound, a truffle is a valuable fruit of a group of subterranean fungi. (Ouch! Shocking as it was, until more discovery made me speechless. Apparently, every year an auction for white truffle is held and a kilo worth of this fungal delicacy was sold for $330,000 to a casino tycoon in 2007)

 2)     Caviar: Caviar or the salted fish roe is 'synonymous with luxury.' Beluga caviar is considered to be the best and is priced at around $4,000 a pound. (Fungi and now unfertilized eggs of a fish…this list gets even crazier! The Almas caviar is sold for approx. $25,000 in a gold tin and is only available in Picadilly, England. For me, this is still a useless pile of unfertilized eggs! If I was a roe fish, I would have sued these free riders!)

3)      Kobe Beef/Wagyu Steak: Kobe beef comes from cows (raised mostly in Japan) that are allegedly fed only beer. A rib rack of Kobe can cost up to $2,800 in a posh restaurant in NY.  (An expensive steak with an unhealthy load of fat! I get it…if you don’t consume fat, how will you justify the 3- month long Thai vacation to learn kick boxing and get lean.)

4)      Civet Coffee/Kopi Luwak: It is considered to be the world's finest coffee. It has a delicate flavor as it is partially fermented by passing through the digestive system of the Civet (rodent). It is priced at $350 per pound. (Rodent feces for a hot cuppa? Yikes! Seriously?)

5)      Matsutake/Mattake Mushroom: Grown in Japan and is expensive because of its rarity. Priced at $2,000 per pound. (Another fungi! And if it is rare… preserve it! Will any activist please save these poor mushrooms?)

6)      Criadillas Fritas: A very expensive delicacy popular in Chile. It is made from a bull’s testicles. (I don’t know the price and am sure I wouldn’t eat it even if they were sold for pennies.)

7)      Glace Luxury Ice: These ‘perfectly spherical’ chunks of ice are made from purified water and are precisely 2.5 inches in diameter. Priced at $8-10 per cube…oops! sphere. (The clientele includes the likes of Mr. Hefner!)

Need I say more? Don’t you agree that us being the ‘have nots’ is a blessing in disguise? At least, we don’t have the pressure of eating crap (read fungi, feces, testicles, etc.) and paying in gold.

Dekho baarish ho rahi hai…It’s raining, it’s raining!

I used to hate this rain song by Anu Malik, but years of criticizing it has actually made it a favorite. Crazy me! Do such things happen to you?

So, do you love rains? If you don’t, then you should totally go and crib bout the bad weather, the puddles, traffic, chaos, etc.

But, if you are a person of all seasons (like me), then we should share our experiences and tips on keeping the fun quotient alive even if you have to sit home all day.

So, here’s what to do…

1.       Leaner you or fuller you…your family and friends will still love you. So, skip the treadmill and jump into the ocean of oily, gastronomical delights…pakodas, bhajiyas, fried fish, bhel, samosas (you are absolutely allowed!).

2.       If the cable reception is poor…make a huge dent on the books lying by your bedside table. (I had Enid Blyton and Hemmingway.) Read ‘em all. Alternatively, you can go downstairs and play football in the rain or make paper boats with the kiddies and sail them on little puddles. (I managed to win a puddle boat race once J)

3.       Use the waterproof mascara and make up you recently bought…if you feel you have been cheated in the “waterproof” department, devise strategies to sue that make up brand. (I mean it…this is a serious offence. Imagine turning from Aisha to Manjulika 'Bhool Bhulaiyya'!)

4.       Go shopping…invest in a cool pair of crocs or flip flops in fruity colors and mosquito repellants.

5.       Enjoy the ‘no laundry’ days! It will be a good opportunity to pamper clothes you have ignored for a while. (A friend asked me once, “How do you have so many clothes? Did you raid a relief camp someday?”)

6.       Play your favorite rain song downing Rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, whiskey! ;)

7.       Bring out that Carrom board or Monopoly, Scrabble and throw in some money and gamble. Never hurts to make money on board game wins.

8.       If you are home alone, switch off all the lights and have a shadow puppet show or use a flashlight and haunt your house. (Haven’t you ever done that? I know it sounds demented, but worth a try. At least once.)

The good old days of tomorrow…

Dear Fellas,

I asked the Diva of this blog to ask people how would they like to spend an ideal day.  We got some fascinating replies:

MJ: In the hills, trekking, and walking down a misty path with my beloved.

Diva: Walk by the hills on a breezy day, have some coffee & homemade Italian dinner, enjoy a Jacuzzi bath under a starry sky and later, snuggle up in bed and watch Harry Potter.

Donna: Me at home, sipping hot ‘chai’ and eating something spicy, reading a good book...should be dark and raining outside, or cold and foggy.

iBoy: Waking up at around 11 in the morning, with a box labeled as Apple…having a complete set of latest apple products. Would like to go on a road trip to some cold place like Manali, Ladakh with my college/school buddies . . .just like old days.

Baby S: Go out shopping, watch movies, hog a lot of non-veg food, and of course spend time in the company of some interesting people.

Dhassu: Shower in an open bathroom on a beach facing resort, cereal breakfast, take the quad bike for a ride in the hills, have lunch in the middle of nowhere, spend the afternoon on a hammock, ride back before sundown and take a dip in a pool, eat some supper and party all night (Aside: May be with my beloved or better still, with Diva and Donna) 

Chota Google: My ideal day... begins with a coffee and sitting on a chair in the balcony of a house near  the ocean... Breakfast, lunch & Dinner at a place wih the perfect view of the ocean...and short sleep near the ocean... and peace... no talking... no listening

KoffeeCrazy:  Lazing around in bed till 1pm, getting up, ordering a box of food and taking a bath, after that open laptop, play game and have food, play game, again, then have a nice cup of coffee, then read novel/ watch movie till 9pm, then think if tomorrow is holiday or working day, if tomorrow is holiday, then chill and feel good, if a working day then sulk around for 10 mins, then have another coffee- this time another flavor, another cup, make sure to spend 40 mins with coffee, then 10pm, play game again or better read some romantic novel or harry potter, if tomorrow is a holiday I will be up till 4am sipping coffee and playing games, this way I would spend an entire day without needing anyone around me, in fact people are a hindrance in this plan.

What we realized is that almost everyone wanted to experience or live a calm day doing what they like the best. Amazed that for most this continues to be a wish…Nostalgia is for those who are not living today. So, get up and live that day because today is going to be the good old days a few years later.

Yours sincerely,

Tomorrow

10 Ways to act busy at work…

“I’ve been really busy at work…you know am a corporate slave”; “Oh! it has been hectic at work”; “I’ve been having long hours at office lately” and blah blah…but what about those days when you actually have very little work at office, but you still have to go and put up a good show? Some things to do to keep from getting bored out of your skull and yet be the sincere best ;)

1.      Arrive before anyone else does…this will help you catch up with your friends in the US over social networking sites; greet your colleagues saying…”It’s a tough life bro!” or “I only go home to sleep…haha!”

2.      Take regular shots of caffeine…opt for black coffee for the extra zing!

3.      Keep multiple tabs open on your system…pretend to read some boring research journals and at times, copy some crap on a Word document (even better if there is a graph J). Trust me, you will never be questioned.

4.      Learn to meditate…stare hard at your screen rather focus your eyes on your screen and give your brain the ‘Red bull wings’

5.      Crack your neck at times and then tilt your head slowly to a 45-degree angle and make eye contact with anyone and smile your most suppressed smile ever… you will be asked for a tea break in less than 10 minutes (if you are a girl, make puppy dog eyes for faster and effective results)

6.      Write your blog post and ensure that your blog in never read by that group of the “Big 4 @ work” OR write a novel…am sure everyone has a novel or story idea in their heads. So unleash the writer in you, even if you are the sole reader. (Typing on a Word doc always saves the day!)

7.      Clean/Sort your inbox…this is my ‘Monica organizing syndrome’, but I really love it

8.      Plug in your ear phones and listen to some of you old client call recordings…see for yourself how much crap you spoke and humor yourself (who knows…this may be an educating experience after all)

9.      Play Sudoku or word puzzle; so what if you have to research (read Google) the answers…there is no joy like a crossword cracked 

10.     Chat with your best pals and have a ball of a time; if chat is firewalled, email chat or make a phone call to a friend from the conference room

So, hope you have a great day at work...just like me!

Transition

I have always been uneasy with transition. I like the morning, the afternoon, and the night. Dawns and dusks don't particularly excite me. I feel it in everything I do and in everything that happens to me. I don't like journeys to my work and back every day. I have to listen to music or keep my mind off as they somehow make be uncomfortable, edgy; for I feel like I am neither here nor there. I love being at home in Delhi and with my friends, and I love being at my parents’ in Kolkata. But the transition, the wait for the destination as stations roll by the window, always makes me anxious. It's not that I detest change. Nothing, they say, is permanent, but change. It's just that the twilight zone unsettles me. So with about all the changes my life has had lately, I once again find myself in the same predicament which has troubled me on my train journeys/air travels, albeit on a much larger scale. I am eagerly looking forward to end this journey and move ahead but at the same time I feel uncomfortable to leave pessimism and move towards hope. For they say, a known devil is better than an unknown angel.

I came into this city as a girl who had just about conquered the world. In between, there was the realization that not everything in life goes your way though at the same time you are much more than what the world takes you for. I mastered the art of doing things at the last moment and just scraping through. I tasted freedom and fell in love with the person I became. I learnt to chatter with my friends the entire night and sometimes sit alone in a coffee shop and read by myself. I moved from writing a personal diary to a public blog. I learnt to be patient and smile despite all odds. I learnt to live in despair in the best of places and find love in all the hopeless ones. There was the bitterness of defeat and failure along with the sweetness of achievement. But now…times are changing again. I strongly feel that I need to undertake a journey to a better place all over again. Probably, I’ve had my fill here…here, in Delhi. It is stagnant. No new places to see or experiences to share. Losses have been overcome and change is inevitable.

So as I await the beginning of a new chapter in my life, the only thing that I hope for is this transition to be different rather better from the others that have been all along.