A Cynic’s Dictionary

In pursuit of the truth…

1.       Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents

2.       Adam: The luckiest man in the world with no mother in law

3.       Bore: A man when you ask him how he is tells you

4.       Babies: Nine months interest on a small deposit

5.       California: A fine place to live in if you happen to be an orange

6.       Divorce: Fission after fusion

7.       Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

8.       Fashion: Induced epidemics

9.       Gigolo: A fee male

10.   Husband: A man who is chiefly a good lover when he’s betraying his wife

11.   Intellectual: A man who does not know how to park a bike

12.   Journalism: The business of explaining to others what one personally does not understand

13.   Knowledge: Power if you know it about the right person

14.   Laziness: Riding a bike on cobblestones to knock the ash off the cigarette

15.   Make up: What it takes to look natural!

16.   Narcissist: Someone who’s better looking than you

17.   Old age: A very high price to pay for maturity

18.   Pedestrian: People who are knocked down by motor cars

19.   Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three cant sing

20.   Recession: When a neighbor loses his job as opposed to depression when you lose yours

21.   Specialist: A person who knows more and more about less and less

22.   Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves

23.   Undertaker: The last man to let you down

24.   Vocation: Any badly paid job which someone has taken out of choice

25.   Wedding: A funeral where you can smell your own flowers

26.   Youth: A disease from which we eventually recover

27.   Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings